With the second World Cup semifinal underway, it is worth noting that one very accurate predictor (at least this time around) has chosen Spain over Germany. Previously he picked Germany over Argentina, Germany over England, and, stunningly, Serbia over Germany—all of which proved correct. As you can imagine, Germans are a little distressed that someone based in their own country would make such a dire prediction. I would be more concerned that Paul, the prognosticator in question, is actually an octopus.

The fleshy cephalopod is also called "psychic." (I assume during the offseason Paul works with the police to locate missing bodies—particularly bodies that are underwater. Unless of course Paul is in the adult entertainment industry—my censored two-word punchline would have included the word "tentacle.") And while this story cannot get any more ridiculous, if Paul turns out to be right, I am prepared to swear my allegiance to the Almighty, All-Knowing Cephalopod, Suction of My Soul, the Ink of My Existence.