Sixth months after trying WE, THE PIZZA, it’s time for a check up. The restaurant opened after several delays to mixed reviews, horror stories of bad staff, and long lines, The beginning was rocky, but the concept—great pizza from the chef that brought us Good Stuff Eatery--was promising enough for a second go. Have Spike Mendelsohn and Mike Colletti worked out all the kinks? If you watched Spike on Good Morning America today, you might think so.

I’ve visited the place on a Wednesday morning and been the first person in the door, on a Saturday afternoon astounded at how empty the place was (especially for a Celebrity Chef Food Conference weekend), stood in lines during the opening week and taken a few NYC foodies for their opinions on this imitation of their staple food. The only thing I can guarantee is that every time I get average pizza and horrible service.

WE, THE PIZZA certainly lives up to its name. You walk in and see twelve pizzas sitting out cold. It’s easy to forget the subs, spaghetti, wings and salads. They are nowhere to be seen, and the menu is guarded by the cashier’s bad attitude and glazed eyes.

The vibe of the restaurant changes according to when you visit. When empty you wonder if you’re welcome, as the staff doesn’t greet you or acknowledge your presence. If they’re busy, you have to push your way to the cashier. With little standing room and a poorly designed space, it’s hard to notice much of anything aside from the hungry patrons watching the ticking clock. When you discover the back staircase and the seating upstairs you are let down by cheap and unpolished design. Unlike Good Stuff where you can see the obvious attention to detail, WE, THE PIZZA feels rushed and unconsidered.

My last visit, I watched as it took more than four minutes before a worker decided to even consider heating my slice of pizza. There was no line ahead of me, no evident reason to not start my order immediately. Each visit has made me wish I walked next door to Good Stuff Eatery instead.

For DC, a slice of pizza that runs you four dollars constitutes a cheap meal, and you get what you pay for. The whole experience is lacking in all the culinary bells and whistles that made Good Stuff Eatery such a success. No special dipping sauces, no novel pizza toppings or combinations. You’ve had it all before. Buffalo chicken pizza? Over it. Mushroom, pepperoni, plain, sausage and pepper? Been there and done that. Classics can be exciting if presented in a unique or excellent way. But the chefs here can’t even get the crust right: some days it’s crisp and delicious, others bland and chewy.

I’ll leave you with a word of advice: for the same price as a slice of pizza and a cherry soda at WE, THE PIZZA, you can get two slices of pizza and a similar cherry soda with much faster service at Whole Foods.

We, the Pizza

305 Pennsylvania Ave SE

Washington, DC 20003

(202) 544-4008 

www.wethepizza.com

Jana Erwin is the primary chef and writer of CherryTeaCakes.com, a non-profit venture combining the love of fine desserts and feeding the impoverished in Washington DC.