5. Backup QBs » Chris Simms busted for pot ... Mark Brunell owes millions (and millions more) ... and now we learn that Rex Grossman sold a Chicago condo for a $680,000 loss. Good thing these men can hold a clipboard.
4. Arrested coach » Add fired Seton Hall coach Bobby Gonzalez to the list of men who like purses. Excuse us, satchels. Alas, the hot-headed Gonzalez can't be added to the list of those who actually paid for them. He was arrested for shoplifting a $1,400 men's satchel from a store in New Jersey. By the way, we know Indiana Jones had one ... and we know Joy Behar has one as well. Thank you, "The Hangover."
3. Martellus Bennett » A good item for Redskins fans because it proves, well, the Dallas tight end is a knucklehead. After posting a profanity-laced video last year, with derogatory comments toward gays and blacks, he posted one this year in which he wears a long black beard and refers to himself as Osama Bin Laden.
2. Tiger Woods » Not only did he shoot a 7-over par in his first round at a Pro-Am in Ireland on Monday, he then endured an icy news conference Tuesday before returning home to Florida, probably for more icy glares. Our advice at the British Open next week: take the field.
1. QB JaMarcus Russell » The former first overall pick -- who didn't work hard and ballooned to nearly 300 pounds and was considered the biggest bust in NFL history -- getting arrested for drugs (codeine syrup)? Man, never saw this one coming.