It seems that the Left has a new ally in trying to slam GOP Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan and his squeaky clean image. Gossipy, Left-leaning magazine GQ has taken to pontificating on what kind of young man Paul Ryan was. Their conclusion: he was a dorky, straight-laced, marijuana virgin that is just too uncool for school.

Though GQ has no evidence to prove one way or another that Ryan did or did not smoke pot, a quick look at Ryan’s reputable past was enough for author Luke Zaleski to tarnish the “dorkish-striver” and concluded that for Ryan, “being a pot virgin is a lot like being an actual virgin; it feels disconnected somehow.” Zaleski continued to paint this lack of evidence for illegal behavior as a negative, stating, “And I just can't trust anyone my age who's never smoked pot… do you?” In fact, the title of the hit piece is, “Gen -Xer Paul Ryan Probably Hasn’t Smoked Pot, and That’s a Problem.”

Yes – it’s wise to have a healthy distrust of those who abide by the law.

Ignoring the fact that smoking pot is illegal, with the exception of certain states’ medical marijuana laws, Zaleski is convinced that Ryan truly missed out on “a communal rite for young Americans” and also missed out on “the past twenty years of American pop culture completely.” According to Zaleski, it is somehow a rite of passage into Coolville because “elections, don't forget, are popularity contests.”

Ah yes – wouldn’t want to elect someone with a respectable past.

Zaleski declared that the question of whether or not Ryan ever partook in smoking illegal substances is a legitimate one because, “Well over half of Americans between ages 18 and 50 say they've smoked before,” and because almost every other recent U.S. president has answered the question.

If that’s the standard for what constitutes a legitimate question, I can’t wait to hear whether or not Ryan prefers the toilet paper roll to pull from “under” or “over” since likely well over half of Americans prefer to pull their Charmin from the top.

But despite GQ’s reportedly repeated attempts to ask the Romney-Ryan campaign “for an answer to this famous, legitimate, and increasingly innocuous question” the magazine got nowhere. No matter – they decided to smear him anyway.

“I look at this guy who I could have gone to high school with, and basically he's living in the Fifties.”

Ooh buuuurn. You got him good!

As much as they try, it appears the Left just can’t nail Ryan on his personal life, so they’ve taken to swinging at Ryan for… achieving the title of “homecoming king.” Apparently that’s something to sneer at.

“A quick scan of the Ryan bio reveals a somewhat dork-ish striver, a guy named homecoming king his junior year of high school, pegged in the yearbook as the class brown-noser, who later went to work for a congressman and moonlight at a margarita bar,” Zaleski chides. “ And then there's his intense exercising, checked shirts, and theatrically furrowed brow. All of which paint a picture of a guy who more than likely spent his best stoning years worried that if he toked up it might come back to haunt him when he ran for office later in his life. Call it the first Ryan Plan.”

Yikes – look out for this one, folks! Hide your kids, hide your wife.