THE UNWELCOME MAT

At an H Street Northeast hotspot one weekend, a young man decided to snap a photo of a woman. When a larger-than-life bouncer appeared at his side a few minutes later, the man explained that the woman looked like a friend of his. The bouncer watched as he deleted the photo.

Then the televisions turned off. Not all of the screens in the bar went black, however -- just the TVs surrounding the man and his friends, who had been watching the Olympics.

Then the tab arrived at the table.

Then the man was informed the bar was closing, despite the clock reading 11:30 p.m. on a Saturday.

"The bar's closing for everyone? Or just for us?" asked the snap-happy man.

"Well, basically for everyone," the bouncer explained, giving the man five minutes to finish his drink. "But mostly for dudes who take weird photos."

HOW DID THE TURTLE CROSS THE ROAD?

A Kensington man rescued a large snapping turtle crossing Beach Drive.

Not wanting to get bitten, he held an open umbrella in his left hand to scare the turtle from the road to the nearby grass. With his right hand, he directed traffic around the turtle.

The operation was a success, and the turtle slowly made its way across the road and into the grass.

DID HE SPRING FOR POPCORN TOO?

Two women were sitting outside one of Rockville's many frozen yogurt shops one evening, catching up on their latest escapades.

"So I was seeing this guy and we were doing the friends-with-benefits-thing," one friend started.

"Does that ever actually work?" the other woman asked.

Friend No. 1 admitted they both realized they had become attached and he ended up taking her out to the movies on a date.

"But then at the end of the movie, he told me he wasn't emotionally available for a relationship," she said. "I was like, 'You suddenly realized all this over the course of two hours?' He could have saved himself the $10 for my ticket but whatever -- I got a free movie out of it."

NEXT TIME, USE THE GPS

After finally managing to unpack the last of his moving boxes, the latest in a slew of new tenants at one Alexandria apartment complex decided he would try to navigate his way to the grocery store.

Not wanting to feel like a tourist or the newcomer that he was, he decided he would drive to the store without using a GPS.

Twenty-five minutes later, he arrived at a Giant. He'd had to do a few U-turns, but it was to be expected, he thought aloud. Upon safely arriving, he thought he would pull up the GPS on his phone just to see the average time to get from his apartment to the store.

"Six minutes," the GPS read.

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