The Fab Five went to Washington, and a few lawmakers could really use their help.
Four members of the “Queer Eye” crew — Bobby Berk, Tan France, Antoni Porowski, and Jonathan Van Ness — visited D.C. this week to discuss legislation such as the Equality Act and the Violence Against Women Act. But they really missed out on some makeover opportunities.
Now in its third season, the remade “Queer Eye” brings its five frontmen across the country to give unsuspecting recipients makeovers. From shaggy-haired dudes to camo-wearing moms, beneficiaries have really upped their fashion and interior design games thanks to the show.
When it comes to style, no one needs a makeover more than Congress. Because recipients have to be nominated, I have a few recommendations for the Fab Five next time they visit Washington.
From his too-on-the-nose April Fools’ joke to his unfortunate association with the "Zodiac killer," Sen. Ted Cruz, R-Texas, has a little charisma to develop. The fifth member of the squad, Karamo Brown, is in charge of culture and could help Cruz work on his likability. France, the fashion expert, could upgrade Cruz's bland Hill style. Cruz's new facial hair would probably have to go, too. Even grooming pro Van Ness, with his glorious mustache, would agree the beard just isn't working for him.
The man doesn’t know how to make a margarita. Sen. Cory Booker, D-N.J., just needs someone to tell him about tequila. Or, as Porowski, the food expert, would say, how not to “get stuck in a rut” with the versatile beverage.
As her presidential campaign kicks into gear, Sen. Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass., could use a bump in authenticity. Warren received some lampooning after she posted an awkward Instagram live video from her kitchen in December. Chatting with your husband in your home is a good way to appear down-to-earth until you say, “Hold on a sec, I’m gonna get me a beer.”
She’s looking good for being almost 70 years old, but Warren needs a reminder that it’s OK not to be a millennial as long as you don’t try to act like one. As Brown would say, being vulnerable “shows that you are in tune with yourself.”
In season three, the "Queer Eye" cast spends an entire episode convincing a young man to find a better spirit animal. He starts out identifying as a sloth and ends up calling himself a lion. If they gave Sen. Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., a makeover, the Fab Five could help him seem less like a turtle. It’s an unfortunate association, thanks to the downturn of his mouth and his perpetual look of consternation, so anything else would do. Maybe he could try a French bulldog.
From her earrings to pantsuits, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-N.Y., has great style. But there’s one way the Fab Five could still help her out. If Porowski could give her cooking lessons that involved non-vegan dishes, he’d be doing us all a favor.
And even though House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., would like it, the lawmakers should leave future makeovers to the professionals.
.@QueerEye: feel free to let us know when you want @RepAOC & me to fill in next. #Fab5 pic.twitter.com/THjnPSCFcR— Nancy Pelosi (@SpeakerPelosi) April 4, 2019