The NFL's second season kicks off Saturday. Time to handicap the playoff field leading up to Super Bowl XLV. (Spoiler Alert: The path to JerryWorld will be lined with Justin Bieber haircuts.)

Amy Winehouse: ('No, no, no!')

The Seahawks (12) have a snowball's chance in hell ... assuming, of course, that hell is located on the surface of the sun and is placed under a galaxy-sized heating lamp. The Chiefs (11) have the best running game in the NFL. But the Ravens are a No. 2 seed in a No. 5 seed's body. When Jamaal Charles and Thomas Jones struggle -- and they will -- Matt Cassel will be running for his life.

The Enigmas

The Eagles (10) certainly have enough star power on offense to reach the Super Bowl. They also have a first-round date with the NFL's second-best scoring defense. The Jets (9) love to blitz; Peyton Manning will make them pay.

One-trick Ponies

No quarterback in the first round is playing his position better than Manning -- except maybe Aaron Rodgers. And no team in the first round has as much momentum as the Colts (8) -- except maybe the Packers (7). The problem? Both will go only as far as their rifle-armed QBs can carry them.

The War Horse

Jay Cutler gets a week off to figure out which of his alter egos will show up for the divisional round, John Elway or Khloe Kardashian. Think of the Bears (6) as a slug-it-out version of the Colts and Packers -- lots of chest thumping, but really just a meaner one-trick pony.

The Contenders

The defending champion Saints (5) have the easiest "test" of the opening round wild-card teams, while the proud Ravens (4) and Steelers (3) are practically carbon copies of each other. No team in the NFL benefits from home-field advantage as much as the Falcons (2), except ...

The Favorite

... yup, the Patriots (1), who have the best quarterback, the most-balanced attack and a 900-game winning streak at Gillette Stadium. Tom Brady's hairstyle is about to become the biggest fashion statement to hit Dallas since the 10-gallon hat.